"Using Listening Ears"

by Susan Jonason,

Community Engagement Associate

When I first started at NextStep in October 2019, I remember having a perception that our work involved just two things: answering calls from victims, and offering them a safe place to where they could escape. Answering our helpline seemed simple, something anyone with time and a caring heart could do.

We do answer a 24-hour helpline with a live person on the other end around the clock, and we do provide shelter if it is needed and room is available – but both of those needs, along with everything else we provide, contain many facets beneath the surface. It takes a special kind of person to be able to engage in our work. People with great listening skills, who are trainable and able to follow instructions even when it goes against their personal instincts, who possess good common sense and a level of maturity – and have time available (whether a little or a lot) — these are some of the qualities that are needed to be effective on our helpline. As I spoke with Kelly, Malarie and Jennifer for this article, I was reminded of what my daughter is constantly saying to her six-year-old son when he looks like he’s paying attention but his mind is clearly focused somewhere else: “Do you hear what I’m saying to you? Use your listening ears.”

“Most people have an inclination to want to give advice,” Assistant Director Kelly Brown explained. “When we have a caller on the phone who is describing a serious need, it’s natural to want to help them, to give them a rescue, especially if the volunteer is a survivor of domestic violence themself. The truth is, we want victims to talk things out and process for themselves, to tell us what has worked and what hasn’t worked for them – to figure out what is best for their personal situation. It’s a challenge to leave yourself out of the picture, to be non-judgmental. We’re not here to fix problems. We’re here to listen, to help them find their  answers, and to offer resources if they want them. Many times a victim just needs someone to talk to, someone who will believe them and be understanding. Oftentimes, they don’t have that in their circle of friends and family. An understanding set of ears can be a lifeline.”

“We ask a lot from our volunteers, but there are great rewards for taking the time to learn how to be effective on the helpline,” added Malarie Brown, Direct Service Coordinator. “When someone signs on to take the training, we give them an in-depth training experience that will provide them with all the skills that are needed. We put many hours of preparation and effort  into our core advocacy training because is it so important to have well-trained people answering the phone. The ones who succeed are amazing and are making such a difference to the hundreds of callers we receive each year, nearly 1,000 of them in Washington and Hancock Counties.”

“We try to hold trainings at times that fit our volunteers’ schedules, such as evenings and weekends,” Kelly said. “It takes approximately 60 hours spread over 1-3 months to complete. This includes 44 hours of classroom instruction followed by 10 role plays where we will conduct mock phone calls for the volunteers to practice their new skills. Once they are ready to go live on the helpline, they are never alone, however. There is always a NextStep staff person serving as backup to help with any situation that needs extra support. Our helpline volunteers are so important to us – we always make sure they are supported when answering calls, and that they feel valued and appreciated.”

Jennifer Brown has volunteered on NextStep’s helpline off and on for the past 16 years, having started when she was a very young adult. “I’m not related to Kelly, but our family lived next to hers and I babysat for her kids when I was a teenager. I think when I was in my late teens Kelly mentioned that she thought I would be a perfect fit for NextStep. I’ve moved around over these past 16 years of my adult life, but whenever I return, I’m always eager to answer the helpline again.”

Jennifer was a victim of domestic violence as a teenager, but at the time she pretended that it hadn’t happened. It was swept under the rug by everyone she knew and she didn’t realize the impact it had had or was going to have on her future. “NextStep wasn’t part of my life back then, and even when I started, my own experience wasn’t on my mind because I had suppressed it. I didn’t think about it. Years later, when it finally caught up with me, I was living out of state. I got counseling. I wish I had someone to talk to when it happened; someone who would have believed me and heard what I had to say. My own experience helped me to realize just how much it means for victims to be heard.”

NextStep had a huge influence on Jennifer’s future path. Her helpline work inspired her to want to become a counselor. “I attribute going back to school for counseling to my work with NextStep. Working the helpline has allowed me to discover what I’m really good at and what I want to do.”

Jennifer is writing a paper on the issue. “There is a huge gap of information on domestic violence in general, but particularly on the impact it has on children. If lawmakers would devote more resources to helping children when they are young and in the midst of being subject to the trauma of domestic violence and abuse, I believe we wouldn’t need nearly the amount of funding that is needed for the slew of issues that seem to pop up as adults. What is being researched is the long-term effect/impact on society as a whole when children of homes with domestic violence and abuse don’t receive mental health treatment.

“To this day, even in counseling settings at college where most of the students are already involved at a professional level, the subject of domestic violence is still taboo. It’s amazing that we still have a hard time talking about it, especially where it is so prevalent.”

Jennifer hopes to be able to continue volunteering for NextStep on the helpline as she continues school. “All of my current aspirations came from working on the helpline, starting at such a young age. I’ve always come back to it – it makes me feel like I’m doing something good in the world. It’s the personal connection and what it means to me that keeps me coming back.”

Ask any NextStep helpline volunteer and they will tell you, there is no better feeling than knowing you were there when someone needed your listening ears!

Please consider volunteering on the helpline, or think of someone who may be a great candidate and share this article. Contact by phone: 1-800-315-5579 / email: info@nextstepdvproject.org Thank you!