Resources available for victims of domestic violence and friends

by Lora Whelan

“The pandemic has created layers of additional complexity for victims of domestic violence,” says NextStep Domestic Violence Project of Hancock and Washington Counties Executive Director Dorathy Martel. Her counterparts in urban areas of Maine have seen increases in victims of domestic violence reaching out for help. Martel says that it is more important than ever for individuals and communities to be aware of the problem, of the re-sources available, and ways to help.

According to the U.S. Center for Disease Control and Prevention, one in four women and one in 10 men are victims of domestic or intimate partner violence. One in six homicides is intimate partner violence from past or present partners. Intimate partner violence can be physical or sexual, psychological or emotional, economic or financial, and can include stalking. The American Journal of Medicine, in a report issued in April 2020, points to alarming trends in domestic violence increases during the pandemic. With many more people at home, police departments from Oregon to New York saw arrests related to domestic violence increase 10% in New York City and 22% in Portland, Ore., during just one sampling in March 2020 versus March 2019.

In Washington and Hancock counties, reported incidents and calls to the NextStep helpline have not increased, but Martel’s intuition tells her that incidents probably are up but that it has become more difficult for victims to access help with the abuser more likely to be at home for longer stretches than in pre-pandemic times. She says that NextStep is finding that “we are spending more time with clients because their situations are more complex.”

NextStep offers a range of services for victims and for concerned family and friends, including a 24/7 helpline, an emergency shelter, legal services, supportive housing, support groups and community engagement. Male victims of domestic violence are served, too. “I don’t know if men know that,” Martel says. “It’s a myth that domestic violence projects don’t serve” male victims. She thinks the reason can be found in the roots of the battered women’s movement in the 1970s. The movement grew into national awareness and help for domestic violence against women, “but we began to realize that men are victims” of abuse and violence, too.

“There’s a stigma,” Martel points out, that says that men are stronger than women. That’s not true, particularly when weapons are around.” She adds, “And men don’t ask for help as often.” Substance use disorders can add volatility. “Substance use itself isn’t a cause of violence. There are plenty of people who use substances who aren’t violent.” But when there are dynamics of domestic violence mixed with substance use, there’s often more money around, firearms and other weapons and more substances. “That can make the situation more violent and escalation can happen. It does increase the risk.” In addition, different people have different ways of coping with difficult situations, and “one way to cope is to turn to drugs and alcohol, and sometimes an [abusive] partner will encourage it.”

Concerned friends and family members often feel frustrated and helpless, Martel notes. The NextStep helpline can be of help. Helpline staff can help problem solve about the person being harmed and what actions can be safe for the friend and victim to do. “Unfortunately, you can’t step in if someone doesn’t want it.” However, “what people can do is to be there for the victimized person and encourage them to talk about it and offer them safe places to go.” She adds that keeping judgment out of it is important.

In cases where domestic violence leads to the loss of life, Martel says, “Any taking of human life is tragic.” Helpline staff are also available for friends and family who are grieving, possibly blaming themselves, and wondering what else they could have done. NextStep staff can talk them through what they did do, show them how they did in fact help, and suggest ways for thinking about future steps to help victims and encourage others to get involved in ending domestic violence.

For more information about domestic violence and NextStep, visit the website at<www.nextstepdvproject.org> or call the 24/7 helpline at 1-800-315-5579

January 14, 2022