Gathering focuses on domestic violence

by Edward French, Editor - The Quoddy Tides

On a bright April day in the peaceful clearing at Sipp Bay Preserve in Perry, a small group gathered to reflect and find hope following a winter during which people living in the area have died from acts of domestic violence. The gathering, organized by the NextStep Domestic Violence Project and the Passamaquoddy domestic and sexual violence programs at Sipayik and Indian Township, provided an opportunity to grieve and for the offering of support.

Addressing the April 23 gathering, Marcie Dean, the housing and shelter coordinator for NextStep, stated, "Every feeling about the tragedies that unfolded in Washington County is valid. Hurt, anger, fear, confusion and vulnerability coexist in our minds, mingled with a disbelief that something like that could happen here."

She noted, "Domestic violence can be something that isolates and overwhelms, but your presence here today is the hope of our event. Being present to listen and believe is a powerful gift that can make a difference to a survivor of domestic violence. Change in our communities is possible." She then quoted from Tolkien, stating, "I have found it is the small, everyday deeds done by ordinary folk that keeps the darkness at bay -- small acts of kindness and love."

Nancy Soctomah, director of Passamaquoddy Peaceful Relations at Sipayik, notes that while the needs of domestic violence survivors have been consistent over time, with the pandemic those needs for legal services or safe housing became more urgent. "Our world got smaller and so did the resources," she says, and it became more difficult for survivors to tap into resources.

Anna Viertel, NextStep's coordinator for community response, relates that, when domestic violence homicides occur in the area, those who are experiencing violence in their relationships are unnerved. NextStep knows from people who work their helpline that those who are abusive use the stories of homicides to further terrorize their partner so that they shut down even more in their freedom of movement or efforts to seek support. She adds, "There are people out there now using abuse tactics" sometimes in subtle ways.

When there are losses in a community, they can trigger in survivors the sense of loss and grief that may have happened many years ago, along with immediate losses that are felt. "There are lots of tiers," she notes. "It's about everybody affected by domestic violence in many different ways."

One reason that the domestic violence organizations held the gathering during the day, instead of a somber vigil at night, is because much of the work they do is to shed light on domestic violence and to cleanse the community with light, so that survivors "don't need to stay in a dark, private place," Viertel says.

Locked boxes were at the gathering and will be placed in various locations in the county throughout the summer for people to write down their reflections about domestic violence and their hopes for the future. Some of the anonymous comments will be used to create an artistic piece that will be kept in Washington County to serve as a remembrance of the grief, fear, loss and hope.